My son is now almost two and is past all nursing needs. But I wanted to share my breastfeeding story with new moms out there because I hope my experience and thoughts can help other women out there who find themselves in my shoes.
When I was pregnant I knew KNEW I would breastfeed for the first year of my childs' life. I was never on board with the idea of breastfeeding into toddler-hood but I knew formula would never hit his lips. Nope. It was going to be nothing but boob until a cup of cows milk was approved by the doc. Like all my other motherhood plans this didn't exactly work out.
Riley was born 5 weeks early. He was very healthy (just a little jaundice) but he was just too little to be able to latch on. We worked with a number of very good lactation consultants and were told over and over again that this is extremely common with preemies. We got him a bottle that had a naturally shaped nipple (this was suggested by the consultants) and I was given a nipple guard Which is a suction cup thingie that fits over your nipple to help with latching on. Riley never did get the hang of latching on without the guard but we were making do and I was pumping like crazy. He never could get a full meal just from the breast. He just got too tired. So normally we'd start there and end with the bottle (filled only with breast milk of course). This worked for the first couple months.
Then I dried up. To this day I don't really understand why, I was pumping, he was nursing, but I just couldn't produce enough any more. And I still couldn't get Riley to nurse a full meal. I cried all the time. I was begging my boobs to produce. Then, when I found myself in the bathroom at 2am desperately pumping and crying and hoping I could get enough to get Riley through the night, I realized I had to start with formula.
Now I totally agree that breast is best. And I am the first to tell a mom that if they can breastfeed they should. But looking back, I get angry at myself and the world we live in for the pure guilt I felt for months. Every time I bought formula I wanted to hide it in my cart because I knew other moms would see it and think I was not putting my son first in my life. I felt like everyone would judge me as a bad mother if they knew I wasn't breastfeeding. But eventually, thanks to encouragement from family and friends (and a wonderful husband of course) I finally found peace in my decision.
My son was a formula baby. He is happy and healthy. And it didn't affect the bond we have at all. So please. Before you harshly judge that mother with the formula in her basket at the grocery store, remember that some mothers just cant breastfeed. Its no ones fault. And if you find yourself a new mom dealing with guilt because you use formula (for whatever reason, the decision is up to you) take a breath. Your baby will be fine and its worse for them to have a mom that beats up on herself then to be fed formula.